How to teach a child to point to comment or show

Last updated 2026-07-10

Why pointing to share matters so much

There are two kinds of pointing. Imperative pointing means "give me that." Declarative pointing means "look at that, isn't it interesting?" It's the child inviting you into a moment.

The declarative kind is the one that predicts language, and by a fair margin. Researchers have tracked pointing in infancy for decades, and the finding keeps replicating: children who point to share interest by 12 to 14 months have larger vocabularies at 24 months than children who don't ^[1]. It makes sense when you break down what's happening. When a child points at a dog and glances back at you, three things happen at once: they notice something, they want to share it with you, and they expect you to follow their gaze. That whole package is joint attention, and it's the ground language grows out of ^[2].

Children on the autism spectrum, children with language delays, and some late talkers tend to struggle with this particular kind of pointing. Many of them point to request just fine. But pointing to show is a social act, and social acts are often the harder ones to pick up. Speech therapists and researchers treat declarative pointing as one of the earliest windows into how a child's language is developing ^[3].

None of this means a child who isn't pointing yet is headed for a particular diagnosis. It means pointing is a teachable skill, and the rest of this piece walks through how to teach it.

When pointing typically starts

Most timelines put the first pointing between 9 and 12 months, with declarative pointing showing up around 11 to 14 months ^[1]. The American Academy of Pediatrics lists pointing as a 12-month milestone, and ASHA flags absent pointing by 12 months as something to evaluate ^[3][4].

Worth keeping in mind: these numbers come from population studies done mostly on neurotypical children. Individual variation is real. A child born prematurely, a child with motor difficulties, or a child who communicates differently may hit these windows later without language being derailed.

What matters isn't only whether the finger extends. Watch whether the child looks back at you after pointing. That check-in glance is what turns a point declarative. Pointing at the ceiling fan with no glance back is one thing. Pointing at the fan and then checking your face to see if you noticed too is another. The look-back is the whole thing.

What the research says about teaching it

The evidence is strongest for autistic children, since that's where most intervention research has focused. But the strategies transfer reasonably well to late talkers and other kids with delayed joint attention, because the underlying mechanism is the same: building the link between pointing, shared gaze, and a social response ^[2].

A widely cited 2006 study by Whalen and Schreibman found that children with autism could learn to point declaratively through naturalistic behavioral intervention, and that gains in pointing predicted later gains in language ^[5]. The intervention used modeling, prompting, and social reinforcement, which is exactly what the steps below are built on.

The JASPER model (Joint Attention, Symbolic Play, Engagement, and Regulation), developed at UCLA, has randomized controlled trial evidence for improving joint attention in toddlers with autism, and declarative pointing is a core target ^[6]. It's usually delivered by trained therapists, but the underlying principles carry over to home practice: follow the child's lead, build on what they're already doing, and make sharing genuinely rewarding for them.

Nobody has clean data on how many sessions it takes to establish declarative pointing in a delayed child. In the Whalen and Schreibman work, some children showed the skill emerging within weeks of consistent intervention, but it varied a lot ^[5]. The honest answer is that it depends on the child, so track progress rather than expect a fixed timeline.

If your child is already getting speech therapy, ask whether joint attention and declarative pointing are targets in their sessions. If they're not, that's worth asking about.

A sequence to try this week

Start by building the joint attention habit before you touch the pointing itself. Sit close to your child and comment on whatever they're already looking at, rather than redirecting them toward what you want them to notice. If they're staring at the fan, look at the fan too and say "fan!" A lot of caregivers reflexively pull a child's attention elsewhere instead of following it, but following is the setup everything else depends on.

Once that's in place, model pointing constantly and obviously. Point at the dog out the window, the airplane noise overhead, the toy across the room before you go get it. Extend your index finger slowly, look at the target, then look at your child. Aim for them seeing this twenty times a day.

Then create situations where pointing actually pays off. Put something your child loves just out of reach: a toy on a shelf, bubbles in a closed container, a book on a high surface. When they show interest, model the point while looking at them, then wait, at least 5 to 10 seconds, before stepping in.

For the physical motion itself, use hand-over-hand prompting and fade it over time. Gently take your child's hand, extend their index finger toward the thing while you both look at it, then turn to them with excitement and name it: "Bird! You see the bird!" Use that full prompt for a few days, then fade: guide from the wrist instead of the finger, then just the elbow, then just a lean in their direction. The goal is for them to extend the finger on their own. Whatever they do, whether it's a full point or just an arm moving toward something, respond like it matters. Look at what they indicated, name it, comment on it, meet their eyes, show real delight. The child needs to learn that pointing gets a specific payoff, your attention on what they care about, and that payoff has to feel good or the behavior won't stick.

Pay particular attention to the look-back. After your child points, pause and wait for them to check your face; if they don't, move into their line of sight. That glance back is the whole point of the exercise, so reward it warmly every time it happens.

Do all of this across different rooms, objects, and times of day. Generalization doesn't happen automatically in children with language delays. You have to teach it in the kitchen, at the park, in the bath, not just in one favorite spot.

Requesting versus showing: why the distinction matters

If your child already points to ask for things, that's a good sign. Imperative pointing shows they understand their gestures can change your behavior, which is a real foundation to build on.

Teaching declarative pointing takes a different emphasis, though. Requests are about getting objects; the child who reaches for the toy already has a goal in mind. Comments are about sharing an experience, and the goal there is your attention and your reaction, not an object at all.

That changes what the reward needs to be. For imperative pointing, you hand over the thing they asked for. For declarative pointing, the reward is your gaze, your voice, your shared excitement, nothing more concrete than that. Kids who are very object-focused often find this harder, since there's no prize waiting at the end. It helps to keep the two somewhat separate in your head. In a requesting situation, the child should learn pointing gets them the object. In a showing situation, they should learn pointing gets them your attention and enjoyment. If you only ever practice with things they want and then hand the object over right away, you may be training the imperative kind of pointing without realizing it.

The cleanest way to practice declarative pointing is with things the child can't have, or things that aren't objects at all: a bird outside, a plane overhead, a funny noise, a pet, a picture in a book. There's nothing to hand over. The only reward is the shared moment itself.

What if my child won't extend their index finger?

Sometimes there's a motor piece to this. Isolating the index finger from the others takes a degree of fine motor control that some children reach later, or reach differently. Children with hypotonia, children with apraxia of speech or related motor planning difficulties, and some children with childhood apraxia of speech may have a motor component feeding into delayed pointing.

If your child reaches toward objects with an open hand or a whole-arm reach instead of an extended finger, that still counts as a communicative gesture. Respond to it as if they pointed, while also working on the finger movement itself. Games that force index finger isolation help: pressing buttons, poking playdough, touching pictures in books with one finger. You can also guide the finger gently during pointing practice using hand-over-hand technique, and if an occupational therapist is on your team, loop them in, since fine motor skills and pointing development overlap.

That said, in most children with language delays, the barrier isn't motor at all. It's the social piece: understanding that the gesture is for sharing, and that sharing gets them something worth having. Don't assume it's motor unless a professional has actually assessed it.

How pointing connects to AAC

If your child uses an AAC device, or is being considered for one, pointing matters directly. Most low-tech AAC systems, picture boards, PECS, communication books, ask the child to point to or touch symbols, and high-tech devices often have the same gesture at their core.

Building declarative pointing supports AAC use, and it works the other way too: once a child learns that pointing at a picture produces a social response, that understanding carries across modalities. The underlying skill is the same either way.

For a child already using AAC, you can build pointing-to-comment right into device use. Check whether the device has vocabulary for comments like "look," "wow," or "I see." If not, ask your SLP about adding it. Commenting vocabulary tends to be thin on systems set up mainly for requesting.

If you're still figuring out what supports fit your child, early intervention is the right place to start. In the US, early intervention for children under 3 gives you a free evaluation and, if your child qualifies, services including speech-language therapy aimed at exactly these early targets.

Autism and pointing development

Absent or atypical pointing is one of the earliest signs associated with autism spectrum disorder, which is why developmental screenings ask about it. The M-CHAT-R/F (Modified Checklist for Autism in Toddlers, Revised with Follow-Up), the tool the AAP recommends for the 18- and 24-month well-child visits, specifically asks whether a child points to show interest ^[4][10].

For autistic children, or children being evaluated, the same approach applies with a few adjustments. Lower the social demand built into the task first: you don't need the child to look you in the eyes, since sustained eye contact can be uncomfortable for some autistic children. What you want is some sign they're orienting toward you, a glance at your face, a head turn, a moment of checking in. Count those as valid look-backs. Be relentlessly consistent about your response, too. Autistic children often pick up routines and patterns faster than open-ended social interaction, so if pointing at the window always produces "you see the car, yes, car!" delivered the same warm way, that routine becomes something they can learn from. And don't rush the pace: the JASPER evidence base emphasizes matching the child's current level of engagement before expanding ^[6]. If your child isn't ready to point yet, build shared looking and joint attention first, before you prompt the point.

Autism spectrum speech therapy differs from generic speech therapy precisely because of this early joint attention work. If your child has an autism diagnosis or is being evaluated, ask whether the therapist has training in joint attention intervention and which model they use.

Tracking whether pointing is improving

You don't need a formal assessment tool, but you do need a record, since memory is unreliable over weeks, especially when progress is slow.

Keep a simple daily log for two to four weeks. Note how many times your child pointed independently (no hand-over-hand), whether they looked back at you afterward, what context it happened in (home, park, mealtime), and whether you prompted it or they started it on their own.

You're watching for two trends: the number of independent points rising over time, and the contexts widening, so pointing shows up in more than one spot, across different settings and objects.

If you've practiced consistently for four to six weeks and see no change in independent pointing, that's a signal to bring in professional support. No amount of home practice replaces an assessment from a speech-language pathologist, and earlier is better ^[3].

If your child is under 3, contact your state's early intervention program (Part C of IDEA) for a free evaluation. If they're 3 or older, contact your school district's special education office. Both are obligations under federal law, the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act ^[7].

An app like Little Words can help you read your child's communication profile and see where pointing fits into the bigger language picture. Take the quiz to get a personalized starting point.

Common mistakes parents make teaching pointing

A few patterns come up over and over. The most common one is jumping in too fast: you put out the bubble container the child wants, they look at it, and you open it right away because the silence feels awkward. Wait instead. Give them a full 5 to 10 seconds of expectant quiet. That pause is where communication happens.

Another is only practicing pointing when the child wants something, which only builds requesting, not commenting. Weave commenting into your day constantly: point at the rain on the window, the funny shape of your toast, the cat.

Some parents also treat pointing like a one-time lesson, but it develops through hundreds of exposures. You can't teach it in an afternoon, so build it into daily routines in small doses all day rather than running a dedicated 20-minute session twice a week.

It's easy, too, to forget to look excited. Once you're focused on the mechanics (did the finger extend, did they look back), your reaction can come out flat and analytical. Your job in that moment is to perform delight: big eyes, warm voice, an immediate comment about what they pointed at. That emotional reaction is the reward.

And watch for prompting the same way forever. Hand-over-hand is a tool for building the movement, not a permanent fixture. If you're still using full hand-over-hand after two weeks of daily practice, start fading it. The goal is independence, and you won't get there if the prompt never changes.

When to worry, and who to call

Here's a practical threshold based on published developmental guidance ^[3][4][8]: no pointing of any kind by 12 months means it's worth mentioning at your next well-child visit and asking for a referral. No declarative pointing (to show, rather than just to request) by 14 months means it's time to ask your pediatrician for an evaluation, and you can consider contacting early intervention directly. No pointing at all by 18 months meets the AAP's threshold for immediate referral to a speech-language pathologist and developmental pediatrician. And if your child was pointing and then stopped, that regression warrants a prompt call to your pediatrician.

You don't have to wait for a pediatrician's referral to contact early intervention. In the US, Part C of IDEA gives parents the right to refer their own child for evaluation, and programs must complete that evaluation within 45 days of the referral ^[7]. It's free. If your child is past 3, contact your local school district's special education office for a free evaluation under Part B of IDEA ^[7].

Pediatric speech-language pathologists are the right professionals here. You can find ASHA-certified SLPs through ASHA's ProFind directory ^[3]. If access is a barrier, online speech therapy has expanded a lot and can be a real option for evaluation and early support.

If you're reading this feeling like you've been watching and waiting too long already: start now. Earlier help is better help, and no professional is ever going to tell you that you brought your child in too soon.

This article is meant to help you understand what's typical and when to ask for support. It isn't a substitute for an evaluation from a qualified professional.

Common questions about pointing

Most children start pointing between 9 and 12 months. The kind that matters most for language, declarative pointing (pointing to show you something interesting, not to ask for it), usually shows up around 11 to 14 months. The AAP lists pointing as a 12-month milestone, and no pointing at all by 18 months is a clear signal to get an evaluation. There's real variation between kids, but it's worth mentioning to your pediatrician if you're not seeing any pointing by 12 months.

If your child points plenty but only to ask for things, never to show you something, that's worth paying attention to. Pointing to request and pointing to share look identical but do different jobs socially. A child who only ever points to get a cookie or a toy is missing the joint attention piece, which is the part most tied to later language. It doesn't mean something is wrong, but it's a pattern worth watching, especially past 14 months, and worth mentioning to a professional.

The difference between the two types matters. Imperative pointing is about the object: your child wants the cookie, the toy, your phone. Declarative pointing is about the experience: your child points at a bird outside, then looks back at you to check that you saw it too. That checking-back is joint attention in action, two people focused on the same thing and each aware the other is sharing it. It's considered the core social skill that language gets built on, and kids who develop it earlier tend to end up with bigger vocabularies.

You don't need eye contact for any of this to work. What you actually need is some form of social referencing, a glance at your face, a turn of the head, any orientation toward you after the point. If your child doesn't make much eye contact, count a head turn or a lean in your direction as the check-in signal. Holding out for sustained eye contact means you're aiming at the wrong skill.

Research on autistic children, including Whalen and Schreibman's 2006 study and the JASPER trials out of UCLA, shows declarative pointing can be taught through naturalistic strategies: modeling it, prompting it, responding with real social excitement, and following the child's lead. In these studies, gains in pointing predicted later gains in language. It takes steady practice, ideally with a trained therapist shaping the approach, though parents can use the same principles at home. Late talkers benefit too, even when they're behind in other areas: joint attention and vocabulary are closely linked, so as pointing and shared gaze increase, word learning tends to follow. It's a genuinely useful thing to teach directly, not a lesser substitute for speech work, and pairing it with speech therapy tends to help both along.

Hand-over-hand prompting is a fine way to start, but it only works if you fade it. Guide your child's hand into the point, react with genuine enthusiasm, then over the following days pull back your support step by step: hand, then wrist, then elbow, then just leaning toward the object. Keep doing full hand-over-hand forever and your child learns to point with your hand instead of their own. For practice, look for things your child finds genuinely interesting that you can't just hand them: animals at a pet store, planes overhead, funny faces in a mirror, fish in a tank, rain on the window. These work well precisely because there's nothing to give, only something to share. Narrate your own pointing throughout the day too, so your child sees it modeled often before you ever ask them to try it. There's no magic number from the research, but the idea is short, frequent moments rather than one long session: aim for something like 15 to 20 chances a day folded into meals, bath time, walks, and books. A single 20-minute lesson twice a week won't build the habit the way constant small moments will.

The M-CHAT-R/F (Modified Checklist for Autism in Toddlers, Revised with Follow-Up) is the screening tool the AAP recommends at the 18- and 24-month checkups, and it specifically asks whether your child points to show you something interesting. Absent declarative pointing by 18 months is one of the strongest early behavioral signs linked to autism, though a failed screen just means further evaluation, not a diagnosis. If your child was pointing and then stops, that's different from a delay and deserves a prompt call to the pediatrician: losing a communication skill between 18 and 24 months is a pattern associated with autism spectrum disorder, though it can have other causes. Tell the pediatrician exactly what skill disappeared and when, and ask for referrals to a speech-language pathologist and a developmental pediatrician.

General toddler speech therapy covers a lot of ground: sounds, vocabulary, sentence building, and more. Pointing sits underneath all of that, it's pre-verbal joint attention, a building block for language rather than language itself. Not every speech therapist prioritizes it, so if your child isn't pointing, ask directly whether it's a named goal in the therapy plan and which approach they're using to build joint attention.

Sources

1. Colonnesi et al., First Language, 2010 - Meta-analysis of pointing and language development: Declarative pointing by 12 to 14 months predicts larger vocabularies at 24 months across multiple studies
2. Mundy, P., Handbook of Autism and Pervasive Developmental Disorders, Wiley - Joint attention and language: Joint attention is the foundational social-cognitive scaffold on which language development is built
3. American Speech-Language-Hearing Association (ASHA) - Early Identification of Speech, Language, and Communication Disorders: ASHA identifies absent pointing by 12 months as an early communication red flag warranting evaluation
4. American Academy of Pediatrics - Developmental Surveillance and Screening Guidance: AAP lists pointing as a 12-month developmental milestone and recommends M-CHAT-R/F screening at 18 and 24 months, which includes questions about declarative pointing
5. Whalen, C. & Schreibman, L. (2006), Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry - Joint attention training for children with autism: Children with autism can learn declarative pointing through naturalistic behavioral intervention, and gains in pointing predicted subsequent gains in language
6. Kasari, C. et al., Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 2006 - JASPER randomized controlled trial: The JASPER model (Joint Attention, Symbolic Play, Engagement, and Regulation) has RCT evidence for improving joint attention including declarative pointing in toddlers with autism
7. U.S. Department of Education - Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA), Part C and Part B: IDEA Part C gives families the right to refer children under 3 for free evaluation; evaluations must be completed within 45 days of referral; Part B covers children 3 and older through school districts
8. CDC - Learn the Signs. Act Early. Developmental Milestones: CDC milestone guidance lists pointing to share interest as a 12-month milestone and includes regression in communication as a flag for immediate evaluation
9. Wetherby, A. & Prizant, B. - Communication and Symbolic Behavior Scales (CSBS), Brookes Publishing: The CSBS identifies pointing to show and gaze shifting as early social communication behaviors that distinguish children with autism and language delays from typically developing peers
10. Robins, D. et al. (2014), Journal of Pediatrics - M-CHAT-R/F validation study: The M-CHAT-R/F validation study confirmed that absence of pointing to show interest is among the most predictive early indicators on the screening tool for autism spectrum disorder